Both times that we have moved, where I knew I had been diagnosed with cancer, I have not come out and told people. I have done this for a couple of reasons. One is because I don't want the first thing for people to think about me is that I have cancer. I want people to get to know me. Eva. I want them to know I have 4 children. I want them to know I enjoy interpreting, and that I homeschooled my kids, even that I can't carry a tune in a bucket. I want people to love me or hate me because they love Eva or hate Eva.
Most of my life I have tried to be nice so that everyone likes me, but the reality of life is that we don't always connect with everyone that crosses our path. The reality is that there are people out there that just do not like me. I am ok with that now, and grateful for it. Yes, I said grateful. I am grateful because it means I am unique. It means that you are unique. It means that in our uniqueness we don't mesh. That doesn't make you bad or me bad. It just makes us who we are.
The second reason I don't like to tell people I have cancer, in general, is because I don't want them to like me only because they feel sorry for me. One of the first things people do when they learn you are sick is to say, "I'm so sorry." Well, I'm sorry too, but I am not sitting around feeling sorry for myself because I have cancer.
For years I homeschooled my kids. I put aside the things I wanted to do, the person I wanted to be, for them. I don't regret that, but I did dream of the day I could interpret. Working with the deaf was in my heart. Now that homeschooling is over, I finally get the chance to do what I've been dreaming of for 25 or so years. Don't feel sorry for me. Be glad that I can do something I've been dreaming of for so long. I am not letting cancer destroy that dream. I've worked too long to get to the place where I can accomplish that goal.
I've been volunteering. The place I volunteer at is giving me a chance to help people in need, to give to someone else what I wished had been given to me years ago as a teen. Don't pity me because I have cancer. Be glad that I have the ability to share God's love with another individual. I don't intend on letting cancer steal the blessing that I get from volunteering.
That being said, the next time you see me, or talk to me, feel free to ask me about my family or how it feels to have an empty nest, or just how my day is going. Sure, we can talk about the cancer, but let's not make that the focus of our conversation. So, how are you anyway?
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