Confirmation

Many times along this cancer journey there has been uncertainty.  Some of the questions that have run through my mind at one time or another have been things like:  Am I going to die?; If I don't do something right now, how long before things get worse?; If I wait too long will there be no turning back?; What treatment path do I take?; Is this the right thing for me to do?; and even, How and when do I tell my children, my family, my friends?  These are not all the questions I have thought of obviously, and some questions I've had haven't needed any answer.  But each time you have a new twist in the road, more questions pop up.

Over the last three years, since diagnosis, there have been few times where I have been absolutely certain I was making the right decision.  More often than not I make a decision by prayer and weighing the pros and cons of my choices.  Only after I am at peace with the possible outcomes, good and bad, then I forge ahead.  Sometimes that feels like walking down a well worn path, sometimes more like "the road less traveled".  I can tell you that when I decided to stop treatment this time, the decision was relatively easy.  Yes, I realized my life was potentially on the line, but the stress of mounting unpaid medical bills was not worth it.

I was, and am, comfortable with the decision.  The part that was difficult came a few weeks later.  With Christmas around the corner, we found ourselves with no money for Christmas gifts.  Of course I wasn't going to announce to anyone that I had no gifts for my kids, but at this point we were paying current bills.  Savings was a thing of the past.  My kids are grown, for the most part; they would just have to understand money was tight this year.  I swallowed my pride, and went to Five Below.  Christmas at our house consists of 3 gifts for each of the kids--one for each of the 3 gifts brought by the wise men to Jesus.  We don't have a credit card, so while I like to spend every available penny, we don't go in debt for Christmas gifts.  At Five Below, I purchased 2 gifts for each child, hoping and praying that the Lord might allow us enough money to buy one gift that cost more than $5 for each child.

 I told the Lord that I knew He wasn't obligated to give me any money.  Just the fact that He had given His Son was more than enough and certainly more than I deserved, but I simply asked for a certain amount that I thought would help make Christmas a little brighter this year for us. With Christmas just 2 weeks away, I had begun to figure that I would need to go back to Five Below and purchase 1 more gift for each of my kids.  Then Vernon called to tell me that he had gotten a Christmas bonus this year.  Since he hadn't received a Christmas bonus since the mid-90's, this had not been on either of our minds as a possibility.  The bonus was more than the amount I had been praying for. But the story doesn't stop there...

 Our tax preparer last year had messed up our return.  She then told us she had sent an amended return in and we should receive our return this last summer some time.  I had checked with the IRS back in September, and they had no record of having received the amended return.  I had resubmitted the return myself, but had no idea when to expect our refund.  The day after Vernon got his Christmas bonus our refund check came back.  If that wasn't enough, within the week we were given another anonymous gift from someone we didn't know.  All together the Lord had supplied 3 times what I had asked Him for.

There is no other way to say it than God is good.

No, I did not spend all the money the Lord provided on Christmas gifts for my kids.  Yes, I did buy each of them one "expensive" gift, but they opened the other 2 gifts I had previously purchased as well.  The remainder of the money the Lord supplied went to pay off some medical bills.

All of that is amazing!  I am grateful for our Christmas this year, but what happened next has only confirmed even more that I am on the right path for me.  Back in September I had purchased a "healing cancer" program.  It involves information on an "anti-cancer" diet, exercise, toxins, measuring progress, and more.  I started reading through the program, but quickly got discouraged because you have to do 90 days of exclusive fruits and vegetables.  Anyone who knows me very well knows that vegetables and I are not friends.  I am barely acquainted with any of them.  So, since September, this program has sat in a box barely opened.

Back in November when Vernon's brother and sister-in-law came to visit they brought us a Berkey water filter that Vernon's niece hadn't used in 9 years and no longer wanted to store in her house.  She was ready to send it to the Goodwill.  Then a few weeks ago someone we know offered to give us a juicer.  Juicing is part of the "healing cancer" program that I bought, and the Berkey is recommended by this program as well.  Neither of these items are things that I would have purchased.  One, the Berkey is really expensive, and, two, as much as I dislike vegetables, I wasn't going to put any money into something I was pretty certain might end up sitting on our counter collecting dust.

With both of those 2 items having been given to us however, I took that as an indication that maybe I should try the program after all.  I am pretty nervous about this whole thing, but I figure if the Lord is sending this stuff to me then I can do my best to at least try this for 90 days.  If you think about it pray for me over the next few months, please.  I can use the prayers.