It's been a while!

Time flies!  Wow, it's been almost a year since I've posted anything.  I can't believe all that has happened in the last year especially in regards to the cancer, and the path the Lord has taken me on on this journey.  A year ago today, everything was gone as far as I knew.  No cancer.  Then July 3rd.  I know that's not a correct grammatical sentence, but that's how it feels.  July 3rd, almost exactly to the day, three years after my Mom's diagnosis of pancreatic cancer, I was rediagnosed with breast cancer.  Needless to say, that time of year is not my favorite.

I decided not to tell my kids of the newest changes, simply because,for the younger two kids, this should be the best days of their lives.  They should not have to worry about me.  They should be enjoying college, striving for the best grades possible, and beginning their journey into adulthood.  There are enough things to worry about during that time, they don't need me adding another thing to their plate.  Because my kids didn't know, I decided to tell four close friends and leave it at that.  These were people I knew I could trust to pray for me, but not tell anyone else.  As you can imagine, I just couldn't take the chance of my kids finding out before I told them.

Of course, after the diagnosis the surgeon wanted me to have surgery immediately, but with our move to Virginia pending and having to take Branwen to Pensacola in 6 weeks or so, surgery would have to wait.  I can't tell you how desperately the surgeon tried to talk me into doing surgery.  I can tell you that through this whole process of having cancer I have never felt the need to rush into a decision on my care.

Just in case you are wondering, the cancer is exactly the same kind and in the same place as the original tumor.  In fact, as of July it was essentially the same size as the original tumor was at diagnosis.  When I had my surgery, I never felt like God was directing me specifically to have surgery, but I just honestly did not know what else to do.  I also believe that when I was rediagnosed it was as if He were saying, "I am not finished with what I started.  You can remove the tumor if you like, but I have more for you to learn."

I know that if God had wanted me to just have surgery, He could have allowed the cancer to not return.  He didn't do that.  Some will say if I had had surgery and radiation like the doctors recommended the tumor probably would not have returned.  I won't say they are wrong, but I believe that if I had done radiation, and God had not finished His work then the cancer would still have returned.

I can say the Lord has reinforced my belief several times over the last 6 months that I am following His leading for me, and I am now more at peace than ever to continue what I've chosen to do whatever the outcome.  More next time on what I've been doing since July, and where we are today.