1/2 way through...

So, my thoughts at this point are these:

1. Eating more of something you don't like doesn't make you like it more.  I still dislike vegetables as much as ever.  While I am accustomed to the taste of my "soup", I do not enjoy it.

2.  Right now I am eating to sustain life.  That is all I can say about this diet.  I hate the thought of eating another meal.  I do it because it means 1 less meal until I am done and not because I look forward to eating.

3.  I am tired of repeating my favorite phrase, "look neither to the right hand nor to the left", as I walk into Walmart past the pastries or Subway just to purchase toilet paper.

4.  Why, if I am eating so healthy, does my weight not melt away?  While I have lost about 15 lbs. so far, it would be far easier to eat this way if I could at least say I was being rewarded by some decent weight loss along the way!  I lost more weight than this on Weight Watchers eating McDonald's hamburgers and fries!

5.  I used to say, "I only have a kitchen because the house came with it".  How I would long to cook up some potpie, or chicken soup, or even spaghetti.  I think I will be ready to give away my crockpot when this is all over.  Just the sight of it may bring on PTSD!

Ok, I understand that I am willingly eating this way.  No one is forcing me to eat this.  I have committed to 90 days of eating like this and I don't mean to complain, but those are my very unspiritual, human thoughts at this point. I wish I could say this diet is "facebook perfect".  I can't.  I wish I knew for 100% that at the end of all this my tumor would be gone.  I don't.  Life doesn't make any promises.

As for prayer requests, please pray for me as I search for a local doctor who is willing to work with me and order an ultrasound.  The doctor I was going to in Charlottesville could, but didn't really want to order an ultrasound and she is over an hour from here.  The oncologist I saw here locally seems to just want me to stick with his "plan".  I may have said it before, but dealing with doctors is the most stressful part of this whole "sickness".  I struggle with explaining to a non-Christian why I have made the choices I have made.  They just don't get it, and yet I can't just ignore the cancer hoping it will go away.  I have to deal with doctors, so please just pray with me that I will find someone who I am comfortable with and who is comfortable working with me.

Thanks.