So, what I am finding is that while I am not concerned about the coronavirus, it, as with many things in life, still has an impact on my life. Last week, Dr. Shoemaker announced that PCC would be switching to online learning for the remainder of the semester. So, Sunday morning, while still dark and very early, I set out for Pensacola to retrieve my children. I took all my food as well as juicer, crock pot, and food processor down with me for all my meals while I was gone. I did eat one meal out on the way down, but only after drinking all of my juice for the day. I ate my soups while down there and drank my juice as normal.
Wednesday morning, again dark and early, we all left Pensacola to head back to Virginia. It was Wednesday that I decided I was done with the "soup" portion of this diet. On the way home, I found myself eating every meal as if I were never going to eat again. McDonald's hamburgers were a delicacy, or at least in my mind they were. I ate so voraciously my stomach ached when I was done. Somewhere along my trip home it occurred to me how desperate I had become, and how much I hated what my life of meals had become.
I talked with Vernon about my decision. He questioned whether I would regret going off the diet. As I thought about the soup I quickly realized that if I stayed on the diet I would only be staying on it as a way of being able to brag about how miserable I had made myself for 90 days. I would no longer be doing it for my health. There truly are things worse than death, and in my mind this is one of them. We all have our limits as to what we are willing to do. I was at mine.
As for the future, I am not going back to the way I ate 5 years ago. I have seen the benefits of eating healthier than that. I will continue juicing. The juices are really good. They are healthy. I will go back on the Paleo diet I have been on with some modifications. I have never been totally in agreement with the thinking behind the diet. I believe God made potatoes and peas and beans, and we should be able to enjoy them. People on the earth have been eating those foods since creation. I will continue organic. I certainly do not need to put any more chemicals into my body, but I will not force myself to only eat foods that I do not like. There are too many good, healthy foods out there that I can enjoy. As for my next ultrasound, I am working on finding a doctor who is willing to order an ultrasound. I will get one done to see where I am soon.
I have probably said some of what I am about to say before, but just a synopsis of some things I have experienced in the last 2 months. I have had people scoff at me because they know people who ate healthy and yet then also ate unhealthy at the same time. I have abstained from going to large meetings because there would be food there. I have even walked across parking lots while inhaling the aroma of cooking meat all while my mouth watered. I have been told that I decided to not like vegetables, and all I need to do is decide to like them, or even better, I am just not hungry enough. I have watched people eat "normal" food in front of me, which was okay because I was making the choice to be where I was. I am not upset about that. Please do not think I am whining about what I didn't have, or bragging about what I did. I do not regret doing it. I have learned something about myself through this. I have learned a little better not to judge people for their decisions unless I am in their shoes.
One of my favorite sayings of all time is, "I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet." I have been so thankful that I had food to eat because not everyone does, and they certainly don't have money to buy organic. I am blessed. I am living. My cancer is small. I have plans to allow the Lord to use me in whatever way He sees best. I have 2 of my kids home for the rest of the semester, possibly until August. I get the privilege of listening to my daughter play the piano daily. I have missed that. Life could be a whole lot worse than eating vegetables for two months or not finishing a diet. What do you have to be thankful for?
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