New appointment and some personal observations

Today I got a call from the local imaging center.  The short of it is that I have an appointment for a mammogram on Aug. 6th.  Now for the rest of the story...I am told that they will do a diagnostic mammogram, I am not really certain this needs to be done, other than for insurance purposes.  The reason I say that is because I have already been diagnosed with a known tumor.  The way things are usually done are screening mammogram, if there is a problem, then you have a diagnostic mammogram.  If the diagnostic mammogram finds something suspect, or if you have a palpable lump even with a normal mammogram, then they will do an ultrasound.  I am not a medical professional, so I cannot say for certain, but I am wondering if the insurance requires you to do things in that order.  Since I have not had any surgery on the confirmed tumor I cannot imagine why a mammogram is necessary at this point.  

I see my general practitioner, who ordered the test, next week, so I will ask him when I see him what the purpose of the mammogram first is.  Once the mammogram is done, if need be, they will do an ultrasound.  Again, I cannot imagine why they would think the ultrasound is unnecessary, but that's what the guy on the phone from the imaging center said.  I was also told that if I need to proceed further they will let me know on the day of the imaging.  I will say, if they tell me I need another biopsy, I will put up a fight on that one.

Now, on to my observations.  I have been thinking recently about my decisions in my cancer treatment over the last 3 3/4 years.  It occurred to me that I need to feel comfortable with my decisions in my care.  I am not really concerned with time.  I am totally confident in God's power to allow the cancer to progress in a time that I am comfortable with.  I believe this is one reason why my cancer is slow growing.  God knows that I need the time to make decisions without feeling rushed.  It took me 1 3/4 years before I had my lumpectomy.  I can tell you that I am ok with my scars when I look at them.  I know that I made the decision to have the lumpectomy.  I was in Kentucky nearly a year before I actually had the surgery.  In spite of the surgeon wanting me to have surgery sooner, I waited.  It has been over a year now since my rediagnosis.  Again, in spite of the surgeon wanting me to have surgery last summer while Vernon was in Virginia and I was trying to orchestrate a move there as well as moving Branwen to Pensacola and Gilbert to Michigan, I chose to wait.  

I realize that waiting could "cost me my life", but I would rather wake up in 20 years and look at my scars knowing that I made the decision and was comfortable with it, than to rush through surgery and wonder for the rest of my life if I made the right decision.  I can honestly say if waiting this last year means I have to have a mastectomy rather than a lumpectomy I am ok with that.  What I would not have been ok with is having a lumpectomy in a week's time just to get it over and done with.  I am sure the surgeon would have felt better knowing he got rid of another cancer, but I am not here to make him feel better.

I would love for them to come back after the mammogram and ultrasound and say everything is fine, the cancer is gone, but looking at things realistically, I am also aware I need to be prepared if they come back and say things are not fine.  Right now, I can say God has given me peace if I need to have surgery, whatever that means.  Two weeks and counting...