"My hardest battle is not with the cancer.  It's with me."  Those words hit me as true as I watched a video of a lady diagnosed with stage 4 cancer.  The cancer I face is a tool.  Simply that.  Nothing more.  It is the tool God is using to cut away things in my life that He does not want to be there.  Do I like the cancer--No!  Do I wish it gone--Yes, every bit as much as you would! 

Yes, I realize the lady with stage 4 cancer was incurable.  Mine is not.  There is a huge difference.  While I face the reality of death as she did, it's easy for me to push it from my mind, to tell myself it's still years down the road if at all.  She could not do that. 

But what I do face every day is me.  I face the struggle of what I do when it's me alone; when Vernon is at work, and Branwen is working as well, and I am home alone.  I struggle with the choices I make when no one will know...except God.  That is hard because God is not a physical being.  The fact that only God will know if I don't take my supplements this meal because I'm tired of taking pills, like the fact of my mortality, is easy to ignore. Every time I ignore that fact, however, the knife of cancer cuts deeper and I am reminded that I can give in to my desires and the cancer will take me eventually, or I can give in to His desires for me and the knife will only cut away those things which He desires out of my life. 

It's my choice, but it is one I struggle with almost daily.