So, with my tumor growing, natural treatment not working as far as I could tell, and being convinced surgery, chemo, and radiation were not what I was to do, I went in search of other options that I might have.  One option that I had found out about back in April was cryoablation.  Basically, it means they freeze the tumor.  In April, when I first learned about cryoablation it didn't seem that it was really much of an option.  Cryoablation is FDA approved for other cancers like liver cancer and for benign breast issues like fibroadenomas, but at this point it is not approved for breast cancers.  There were no clinical trials that I qualified for in April, so I kind of put the thought out of my mind.  When we moved to Kentucky our realtor told me her husband had had a large tumor, I think in the liver, but I could be wrong.  He had gone through cryoablation and the tumor was now gone.  So, that got me thinking about cryoablation once more.

I did quite a few internet searches to see what I could find out.  I emailed and posted to several sites, and was given the names of about a half dozen doctors throughout the U.S. and even given the possibility of overseas treatment.  When I started calling doctors, what I discovered was most of them listened to me, said there were no trials available, and to go to a local doctor and have surgery, chemo, and radiation.  I did, however, find a doctor in Michigan who would consider my case and even said there was a possibility I might qualify for a trial they were waiting for approval to begin.  He asked me to get an MRI done, which I had not had up to this point.  MRIs are great in some ways, but they also have their limitations.  The main limitation being they show everything, some of which is no reason for concern, and they are about ten times the cost of an ultrasound, give or take. 

When they asked me to get the MRI done, they told me after the MRI was done I would need to send all my records, including pictures, to them.  The doctor would evaluate everything, and then, if he still considered me a candidate, they would call me for a consultation appointment.  If, after that meeting, I was still a candidate they would give me the option to begin treatment. 

I had the MRI done.  I sent my records, and waited to hear back from the doctor's office.  Nothing is ever as simple as it seems and such is the case here.  When the doctor's office called me back, the nurse asked me if anyone had ever mentioned a lesion in a different location in the same breast.  I told her they had not.  She told me that if the doctor was going to consider me he wanted a full workup of this new spot.  Full workup meant another ultrasound and biopsy.  As I said, MRIs show everything and I was not worried about this new spot.  What I was more concerned with was the fact that if they did another biopsy I was risking spreading more cancer if this new spot was cancer.  The first biopsy they did it took them nine times to get enough samples to send.  Most biopsies take three or four shots. 

With this news, the nurse told me to call them back with my decision on whether I was going to proceed with the full workup or not pursue cryoablation any further.  As with every step in this process so far, my first step was prayer.  I did not want to proceed if it was not what the Lord wanted, and yet also, very much in the front of my mind was the gravity of the situation.  I know a lot of people say they know what they would do if they ever had cancer, but I don't believe anyone really knows what they would do until they come face to face with the diagnosis.  Personally, before I had cancer, I didn't sit around thinking about what I would do if I ever got cancer.  It didn't enter my mind--not even when Mom was diagnosed.  I also don't believe that the decisions I am making today would necessarily be the ones I would make ten years ago when I had four kids ages 13, 10,  8, and 6.  Nor do I believe the decisions I am making today would be the ones I would make in ten years from now. 

After prayer, talking with Vernon and some friends, I decided to call my local doctor who had ordered my previous ultrasound and MRI.  When I called the office I was told if I wanted any more tests run I needed to contact an oncologist.  With that I made one of the hardest decisions I have made in this whole journey.  Up to this point, I was doing natural treatment with the thought that if it didn't work I could always go with conventional treatment.  Conventional medicine was my security blanket.  After some deep heart searching I decided that I was not mentally ready to see an oncologist.  After my experience with the hospital here locally, I knew in my heart that if I got started there would be no turning back, and I had had a hard enough time being strong enough to tell them no when I felt healthy.  I knew that once I got started on chemo and was feeling sick I would not have the strength to tell them no.  They would wear me down, and eventually I would be doing things I did not want done. 

It was at this point that I decided to close the door to the possibility of any conventional treatment.  As I said, it was the hardest decision I've made thus far, but even two months later I am content that I made the decision that was right for me. 

Next time I will discuss my MRI experience and the results in more detail.

Until then...