I thought I'd post about what not to say to people who have cancer.  I've been on the internet and you can find a million different posts on this topic.  Some of the lists are spot on, and some of the things on the lists are personal things that people have been told that have upset them.  Because we are all individual with different backgrounds we all take things differently.  Things you might say to one person with cancer wouldn't bother them at all, but if you tell another person with cancer the same thing they might become quite upset about what you said.  So, I rethought my post.  Today's post will generally be things you shouldn't say or do to me.  Now, before I begin, let me say that if you've said or done any of these things to me don't worry about it.  I'm not unfriending any of you, but I want you to understand my take on these things.

First, don't tell me about people you know who have died from cancer.  I get this more frequently than I like to think about.  Whether you are trying to tell me why I shouldn't do natural treatment, or just trying to encourage me by the thought that so and so's cancer was much worse than mine, telling me about someone who died won't get me to change my choice of treatment.  I am not choosing natural treatment because of an expected outcome.  Yes, I want to live.  No, I do not have a death wish.  I chose natural treatment though because I believe God wanted me to do that.  That takes precedence over outcome.  I have prayed and fasted for healing, but that is not my ultimate goal.  I am trusting God that He knows what's best for me.

Also, just because someone else's cancer was worse than mine doesn't mean mine is any less significant to me.  It doesn't mean that I can't die from my cancer and it doesn't mean that someone with a larger tumor won't live.  Not to mention the fact that I don't really need to dwell on the fact of death--mine or someone else's.  Believe me, the possibility of death is never far from my mind.  I don't dwell on it, as I've said, but it's just part of the reality of having cancer and I don't need to be reminded of that reality.

Second, don't tell me what you would do if you were in my shoes.  You are not in my shoes.  You have not experienced life through my eyes.  Maybe you have sat down and spent hours thinking about what you would do if you were ever diagnosed with cancer, and you THINK what you know you would do.  I never did that even when my mother was dying of cancer.  Also, I don't believe anyone would necessarily do the same thing at every given point in their life.  I think I've already posted this, but if I had four kids eight years old and younger I would definitely be thinking of things differently.  If I was seventy-five and diagnosed with cancer I would probably have a different perspective on things.

Third, do not pity me!  EVER!  I absolutely cannot stand when someone talks to me as if they are sorry I'm dying.  I understand that nobody wants to be diagnosed with cancer and you may feel sorrow for the fact that I have cancer, but I cannot stand to look someone in the face who looks like they expect me to die from this.  It is true I may die from this, but today I am living. Today I am homeschooling Branwen.  Today I have music lessons and work to take Branwen to.  Today I have a quilt to work on and a house to clean.  So, talk to me about the things we have in common. Get to know me--the living, breathing human being.

Along with the last one, don't tell me I look great.  I may look great, but every time someone tells me that my brain says, "They are really saying you look great for having cancer."  Now, maybe that is not what you or anyone else who says that means, but that is how my mind takes it.  Again, my mind focuses on the negative or what isn't said, rather than what might be a genuine compliment.  Tell me you like my hair today.  Tell me you think my outfit looks nice on me.  Tell me you are glad to see I got over the flu.

I guess to sum it up, what I'm saying is: treat me like Eva.  I don't have a sign over my forehead that says, "I have cancer," so, don't treat me like I do.  If you disagree with me, tell me so.  It may cause me to rethink my opinions.  If you don't like me, fine.  I don't expect everyone does.  It's ok. If you wouldn't say something to someone without cancer, don't say it to me.