Ok, so something that the Lord has been bringing to my attention in various ways lately is about waiting for God.  Right now, waiting is what I am doing yet again.  It seems like during this whole cancer journey what happens is this.  There are a bunch of tests, or bloodwork, and you wait for the results.  Sometimes those results happen in minutes, like when I have my ultrasounds and the radiologist is there and tells you what they find.  At other times those results happen days later, like when I had my biopsy or bloodwork done.  And sometimes it takes a week or more to get the results like when I had the genetic testing done.  But whatever test it is that I am currently having done, once the results come back you see the doctor and then you change your plans accordingly and do what??? WAIT!  Usually it's 3-4 months to see if the new protocol works or changes anything.

The other day I was texting someone and they referenced Isaiah 64:4 which says, "For since the beginning of the world men have not heard, nor perceived by the ear, neither hath the eye seen, O God, beside thee, what he hath prepared for him that waiteth for him."  This person also mentioned I Corinthians 2:9-10 which says, "But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him."

Waiting is hard.  It's hard on many levels.  It's hard because there is a level of uncertainty.  In the case of cancer waiting is harder because of the seriousness of the matter.  "If I wait," you think, "it may be too late to do something different, or they may not be able to cure me."  The uncertainty can certainly leave you with some fear.

Waiting is also difficult because we are so used to getting what we want quick.  We haven't developed the habit of waiting.  I mean, who wants to wait for dinner to cook when I can go down the street to McDonalds and get a burger and fries almost immediately.  We even grumble when we have to wait in line 3 minutes for our turn at the drive thru.  We know that Psalm 40:1 says, "I waited patiently for the LORD; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry."  We know this, and we do wait sometimes, but not patiently.  We wait only because we have to, because God gives us no choice.  I don't know about you, but many times the whole time I am waiting I am also fretting, and stewing, and trying to figure out how to make things work out the way I want.  That is not patient, but that's what I do.

Right now, I am waiting for Vernon's job changeover so I can speak to the surgeon.  I know God has this in control.  I know that He knows exactly what the surgeon will say when I do speak to him.  I know God is having me wait for the exact time to see the surgeon so His will will be accomplished, and yet it's easy for me to wonder what will happen if I wait too long for surgery.  Sometimes daily I have to remind myself and God that He knows best and is working all things together for good in my life.  So for now I wait to see what God has prepared for me.  I know whatever it is, it will be good!

As an added update, I have an appointment scheduled with a surgeon for July 9th.  As I mentioned before we are waiting for insurance to change.  If the new insurance does not kick in before the 9th I will have to reschedule that appointment.  Also, there is a high probability that I will be having a new test or tests run just to get a up to date picture of where things are before I meet with the surgeon.  I will post more on that when I find out what they want done and when they want it done.