Today's post is on why I am not a survivor or a warrior.  I am not a survivor because I had breast cancer and will soon have my tumors removed.  I have had a lot of things happen in my life that have affected me much more intrinsically than breast cancer has.  I have survived the divorce of my parents.  I have survived attempting suicide.  I have survived being homeless.  I have survived the death of my parents.  I have survived a nervous breakdown.  Those are just a few of the things I have survived in my life that are much more impacting on my life than breast cancer.

I am not a warrior because warriors fight something.  I have not been fighting cancer.  If I had diabetes, I wouldn't say I am fighting diabetes.  If I had heart disease, I wouldn't say I'm fighting heart disease.  Perhaps people who go through chemo, radiation, and hormone therapy fight cancer.  I have not, and I do believe when you are going through conventional treatment there is a fight to get out of bed at times.  There is a fight mentally to keep going when you feel like you've been hit by a Mack truck and then drug through the mud.  Those things wear you down from what I'm told.

While cancer has consumed much of the last 2 years of my life, first with my mother and then with me, it is not something I was fighting.  I fought with doubts of whether or not I would be healed.  I fought with myself over diet changes.  I fought with the Lord at times over what He was asking of me.   But I have never considered myself fighting the cancer.

It is true the changes I've made have been ones I believed would help me become healthy and get rid of the cancer, but getting rid of the cancer was only a part of the goal.  It is true that I may be stronger/healthier today than I was 2 years ago.  Hopefully, I have grown spiritually over the last two years. Lord willing, I will have the tumors removed in a few weeks and go on to live 20 or 30 or even 40 more years, but I do not consider myself a survivor or a warrior.  I am just Eva, perhaps a better, stronger Eva than I was a year and a half ago, but just Eva nonetheless.