Well, today is the day.  I am not looking forward to this.  It is even safe to say I don't want to do this.  Don't get me wrong, I will be thankful that the tumor is gone.  It's just the actual surgery I don't want.  Haven't wanted.  I cannot say I know 125% that what I am doing is God's will.  I wish I could.  If I had to put a number on it I would say 75% maybe, it's just that I don't know what else to do.  I prayed that the Lord would show me clearly if I was not to have surgery.  It seemed like He showed me that I was.  That is the only thing that brings me consolation today.  This is one of those decisions where there is no writing on the wall.  I have prayed that the Lord would forgive me if He doesn't want me to do this and I am misunderstanding everything.  Let me say, I am not afraid of the surgery itself.  I've have had more surgeries in my life than I care to think about, and I have not dreaded any of them like I am dreading this one.  I know a lot of people don't understand that.  They think that if it were them they would have not waited 21 months, if it were them they would be glad just to have the cancer gone, but one thing I have learned through all this is that you don't know what you would do until you are actually faced with the decision.  You can think that you know, but until the time comes that you actually have to weigh everything out you don't actually know.  T - 7hrs and counting...